Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Joy Diet Update: Non Connection With an Old Friend

Chapter 9 Connection was an interesting chapter in the Joy Diet because it hit so close to a recent situation with a friend that I had known from my previous career who is working through some personal concerns.

I had dinner with her the other week and she met me at my studio. Upon seeing her she looked not as put together as I had always known her. Her hair was out of place and she seemed not particularly at ease.

We talked about her current job situation which is very negative, the issues surrounding her mother's death, extremely hurtful, and a recent breakup with a boyfriend which provided the icing on the cake.

Throughout our talk it seemed as if she felt that I was not sympathizing with her on what was going on in her life. She seemed quite bitter and I could not CONNECT with her.

She appeared restless, a little annoyed at some questions that I asked her and even snapped at me a couple of times about little things. Then she preached about something she thought I should do.

At the end of the evening I began to meditate on the questions from this chapter:

1) I learned to reach a place of peace while I was with her. As she was in her miserable mood, I learned to stay at peace through out the dinner. Stay in my own skin.

2) Learn to tell yourself the truth while interacting with someone else.

What am I feeling about this person? Very negative, taking my energy down.
Is there anything about this relationship that hurts? Yes, everything right now.
What about the story? She is missing her mother, depressed, angry, not connected to anyone outside her space including me.
Is the story true? Yes.
Is the story working for me? Yes, I realize what it is and where it is coming from and it makes me feel saner as a result.
Can I think of another story that might work better? Yes, I think the next story will be to send her a card or something to demonstrate that I understand and provide her space for a while.

3) Identify what you want in the relationship. I identified that I think she and I definitely need space and that her current situation is not healthy for me to be around. I would like the relationship to grow and become closer, but she is not healthy enough for this right now.

4) Risk Openness. I intend to let her know how I feel. I have not decided in what way yet.


Anonymous said...

Good post on this girlfriend!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like the book has been very helpful to you in this situation.... congrats for coming to a deeper understanding regarding what YOU need!